


cant spell karasuno (or UA) without u <3

by lenin_it_to_win_it



Category: Haikyuu!!, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Crack, Crossover, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29932446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenin_it_to_win_it/pseuds/lenin_it_to_win_it
Summary: When Deku takes a swan dive off the roof and is born into a new life, he still doesn't have a quirk... but he CAN jump!
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tobio Kageyama/Izuku Midoriya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	cant spell karasuno (or UA) without u <3

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to my loser idiot sister with bad taste wuv uwuwu

deku sobbed weepingly as his bestest pal forever bakago taunted him meanly by reding his hero diary oout loud 2 all their middle school classmates 

“‘wel i needed the mony ikzuku’” bakugo sed in a high piched imitation of dekus moms voice “‘i had no CHOICE but to sell u. Now put ur haire in a messy ponytail so ull look presentable 4 ur new owner.. al might-senpai”

“u ss,ttop thta,,t bagkg,uogo or il t ake of,f my friendshsip bracele,e,t” cried deku sniffingly “i havnt even posted ‘adopted by all mite’ on fanficition.net yet! ur SPOILING it!1!!”

“all migt wood NEVEr adopt a qurikless cuck like u!” sneered backogo rudely as he yeeted dekus notebook out of the widnow “so wy dont u just take a swan dive off the roff and hope ur born with a quirk in ur next life” he laffed bullyingly “HAHAHAHHAH”

so deku climbed up tot he roof and did an elegent swan dive to his deth. teers flew past him as he fell and he reflected on his life. not much had happened except alot of criying wich made him cry harder. he cried so hard that all his tears collected in2 one big giant tear that was so huge it had its own gravitiational orbit and it bent the space tim contonunuum so insted of going splat on the ground deku fell into the giant tear which had become a portel to a hole (hehe) new realititty!11 then he fell on the ground over ther

“oof ow my widdle bonesies” cried deku painedly as he got to his feet “were AM i” 

“hi im Ddaichi haikhyyu” sed daichci haikyuu “r u one of the freshmen trying out for the karasuno high volelyball club?” 

“FRESH MEN??? WERE” shrieked tanaka hakyuu bi of sexually as he lept out of the bushes. he glanced disapointenedly at deku “o i was hoping 4 a bigthicc chad but its just another twink”

suga haikkiyu, whomst had twink4twink in his grindr bio, studied deku appraisisngly “he is quit smol” he observed inteleligently 

noya haiku, a 5’2” lil mousy boy, crawled out of the wall were he had been looking cheese. ther wuz a hoepful gleam in his eyes. then he shrieked in rageful dismay “FUCK he still taller than me!!!” He poked deku angriyl with his tiny babby hand “how tol are u?? 6’9”? 9’11”?”

“5’5” sed deku nervously

“awwww maaaan hes taller than me tooooo” whined hineneata haikuyuu sadly. he wuz physicelly 5’3” but emotionally 4’2”. But his eyes were as round as two volleybballs and they fired up with passion for sport! “i mite be short but—“

“—i can jump” moned the rest of the team in unsision 

“we KNOW hinnata” sed daichi tieredly 

“hes only been on the teem for 5 minutes and hes alredy sed it 69 times” noted suga as he shook his hed

“wat about u deku banaha?? can u jump???” piñata inquired curiously

deku was so anxioeus abt the question that he started 2 sob hysterically. tears BLASTED out of his big green orbs and the force of them hitting the ground SHOT him 80 feet into the air!!!1! 

“yoooooooo we got us a new spiker!!!” yelled taknankanaka excitiedly

“yes our new setter can set to him” daichci daichagreed 

“like HELL FUCK i am!1!!” raged kagameya haiukyu wrathfully “im not setting 2 any1 but hiananta and U CANT MAKE ME” then he noticed that deku was lowkey kinda cute tho “ok maby i wil. BUT ONLEY 4 TOTALLY HETEROSEXUAL SPORTS REASONS AND NONTHING ELSE”

“and im here 2” sed yam of goochie

“but u kno who iSNT heer” shouted noya infuriietedly “that SKANK BICH ASSAHI who QUIT on us!1!!! Il never forgiv him EVER in my LIFE evn if he BEGS me 2”

“hey guys thot id play some ball this seson” announced asahshi casually as he put his hare into a man bun 

noya lept into his strong arms “OF COURSE I FORGIV U SENPAI” he wept instantly, nuzzling his face onto asahsis chest “never leeve me lik that agen1!!” 

“il hav our manager add u 2 the roster” daiachci told asahehehe

the manager appered and u cold tell she wuz a girl bc the camera lingered uncomfortly on her b00bs. tanaka shriekd lustfully and yeeted himself at her “AYY BABY LEMME SEE THEM TAKNOCKERS” he cried thirstingly before slamming face first int2 a brick wall 

“do yall ever like… actully play voleyball here?” deku questioned. he wuz immeditly sorry that he asked. the teem played one single volyball game for 20 episodes and by the end of it all of them had trauma

“im quiting vollyball” anounced diachcy solemnly as he stared out of the window wile hinenata and kagaemeaya ran shriekingly around the gym “and life” he added and then he died while “young and beuatiful” by lana del rey (a/n: if u dont know who that is get da heck out of heer!11!) played in the background

“O looooord when I get 2 heveeeen pls let me keep mY MAAAAAN” sobbed the entire team together at his funeral 

“also im quitting two” suga announced calmly “i hav to apply 2 college n shit and I dont feel like wasting my time geting benched wile the rest of u twinks get all the jucy character drama” 

“fuck a job imma play ball til i DIE bitch!1!” proclameed asahsi proudly. but sadly he Did die bc his man bun was so tite it prevented nutrients frum reaching his brain f in the chat

“guess WER the upperclassmen now rite tnaka?” exlcaimed noya joyfuly. tankanas corpse lay lifelessly on the same ground where it had fallen after he fell face first int2 an brick wall “t-tanaka??”

deku and heinta tried to drag noya away but he refused to leeve his friends bodey. then kagauynuma set a ball so aggressively that even hinatna couldnt get 2 it in time and it decapittated noya, whomst of course canoncielly died in a vollelyball accident

“its just the trhee of us now” sed kagaemeya seriosly as he looked at hiananta and deku

“um im stil here” yamamgugchi interjected 

“just you and me and deku and no1 else” henata agred mornfully

yamagmuchi tried again “uh guys—”

“sux that every1 else is either ded or quit” deku sympathized sadly 

“u kno wat? FUCK yall im going 2 UA” yamgamguchi snapped angrily, tearing of his vollelyball uniform to revele a UA uniform before jumping thru dekus tear portal. no one noticed bc they were too busy planning out how it would work having a vollyball team with only 3 pppl 

***

yamgucky manifested on the roof of the middle sckool deku had gone 2 where he met bakguo, whomst was eagerly scanning the ground for dekus corps    
  
“wat the fuck he LIVED???” bakugo cried disappointdedly after seeing yamgmacuhi “BOOOOOOO” 

“who r u talking abt???” questioned yamgmaguchy uncertenly    
  
“wow qurkless AND stupid” snorted bakakgo mockingly “ur the dumbest bitch alive deku”

yamamguchy was SICK and TIERED of being underesteimated! “i am SICK AND TYRED of beig udnerestimated!!” he declared angrily, pulling out an glock. he shot bakaguo for real with an actual gun until he DIED 

all might jumped on2 the roof astonishedly “did i here murder going on up hear??” he asked curiosly. then he saw the sick glocc in yamamguchis hand “wat a powerful quirk!” he exclaimed stunnedly “random green haired high shcool twink, u MUST becum my apprentice!11” he pulled an even bigger glock out from betwixt his bara tidds “here is my quirk, gun for all. take it and use it 2 pass the ua entrence exam and fite crime!” 

yamamgucie took the gun with satisfaction “oh i could get used 2 this…” 

***

meanwhile at karuusuno things wer not going well. every tiem deku tried 2 hit a vollelybballl he broke his whole entire arm and also both legs, somehow, and both him and hianaita kept missing the ball bc they wer crieying too hard to see anythign

oinkawa, whomst was a literal pig in a vollebyall uniform, laughed snrotingly as he spied on their practice “FOOLS” he laffed villaneously “i dont evn HAV 2 giv u the slap of my pimp hands to defeat u AHAHANAHHAHN NfSNOrk snrok snork” he added, pausing to root 4 truffles. wile he was rooting fur truffles the rest of his team played agaenst the best school in the preferecture and lost 

“GUYS OINKAWAS TEEM LOST AND WE HAV 2 PLAY AGAINST SHIRITORIAZAWA IN 5 SECONDS” screemed kagagemaya in terrified pants shitting rage   
  
“whomst r they???” deku inquired unsurely 

“only the TUFFEST BUFFEST BADDEST bitches EVER” cried hinaiata feerfuly “and-- ther they are!”

in walked shirotoroiazawa, a team made up entirely of aizawas 

deku started 2 sob immedietly “holy fuck they ARE scarie”

the captain aziaiwa smacked a vollelyball int2 the air using his nasty ass bandige scarf and hineiata lept 4 it but another aizuawa looked him in the eye and he fell to the ground!!!!11!   
  
“o noe!!!” wept hinatata desgracedly “my quirk, jump, has is been nutralized!!!!” 

deku stared the aiziawas int the eye(zawas) without fear “i dont hav a quirk!” he exclaimed exicitedly “BUT I CAN JUMP!1!1!” he sobbed furiously to propell himself in the air and SMACKED tha ball so hard it left a crater in the cort and all the aiziawas were pasted to a pulp!!!1! 

hiantaa sobbed hsyterically bc that ment the game was over and literelly his only personalty trate was wanting 2 play vollelyball “if u touch the ball u can play ball and if u play ball u get more chances 2 touchc the ball the longest and the longer u touch the ball u can play ball and ball ball ball ball ball ball” he wept incoherently 

“damn dude u relly hit that ball” sed kageyama surprisedly 2 deku “now id vaguely consider setting 2 u even if u WERENT cute”

deku was so moved to emotion that he cried, of corse, wich was useful bc the torrent of teers washed away the blood of his enemeis that was staining the court and wouldv been a real pain in the ass for the karasuno high janitoreeal staff

then tsukusuhima hiakyuu, whomst had been late to practice bc he was too busy polishing his glasses showed up “whatd i miss?” he queried, adjusting his hatsune mikku binder, the strap of wich was showing beneath his “met god shes black” t shirt 

“yuo ALL missed out on these delicisous truffles!” delcared oinkawa smugly from the dirt outside 

kaGAYama kissed hieneta full on the mouthw ith tounge and also deku too bc his type was short lil fruits who cried a lot “VICTOREE IS SWEETER THAN ANY TRUFFLE!” he scremed truimphantly

deku cried and sobbed even mor as he hugged kagaguuymhmumha and hksdkskskskdk “i never imagined i wuld hav friends like u,, never in my wildest fanfictions” 

“lov u too pal” sed hienta tenderly. he affectionately smacked dekus ass with full strength quick attak spiker force, killing him instently. then he looked to kagyomama in alarm “we hav a problem bestie” 

  
  
  


so they all* lived ballingly ever the end uwu

*which is just hinanta and kagyeama at this point bc everyone else died    
  



End file.
